Change of Plans

"The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This may sound completely ridiculous, but I've never been a big time goal setter. I've never had to make big plans to achieve my dreams. It's not that everything has been handed to me, but I can't say I've been reaching for something outlandish. Of course I've had struggles to overcome, I've wanted and worked hard for what I have, but my goals have always been in line with what was already on its way to me. There is nothing wrong with this theory until you start looking for more. So here I am in a rut. This deep abyss that seems to some days swallow me whole, and still keep eating. Where once obstacles existed, I am no longer crippled. Today there is no reason not to set a goal for what I want. There is literally, nothing in my way. I have no excuse to sit here wanting. I am aware that the first step is monumental, that moving backward is not an option. First steps can be daunting, but this is a Zig Ziggler kind of plan. Goals don't go unrewarded.

Lesson #53: Take the first step 

Freedom of Speech

People with blogs aren't mute. The thing is I'm not here to make a political statement. I'm not interested in the opinion of the naysayer. I am not the caged bird. This was easier at blog 3. I'm pretty sure I won't become the next social prophet with nothing to say. What if my life isn't so profound. Everyday turns like the last. My change comes from mindful revolution. The task of fighting the resistance, my greatest feat. I am in the evolution to a better person. Evolution to have open, equal discussion. The evolution of listening more, holding till I've thought about the option of change. Evolution of spirit to move in the right direction. Be like the salmon in the stream. I didn't start a blog and make it this far because I thought sharing my inner most thoughts would be a piece of cake. I didn't get here on reckless abandon, late nights and worry aren't fools gold. We all choose to invest in something, make a conscious decision to buck the system, even if that means following the flow of a new current. This is a new day, this is the start of something good.

Lesson #52: Start over

Renew

"Right now we are standing at a massive point of rebirth"

-Lars Ulrich

Nothing like going out of town to muster your inner strength. Time away, is all I need to busy my mind on something else. It seems like answers unearth themselves when you're not paying attention. Being busy makes everything less complicated. Sometimes I dream about moving to a whole new town, making a new start, beginning again. This may sound crazy, but I love to throw myself into work. I believe we were made to push ourselves past the limit. We were designed to to go the distance. Comfort Zones make us boring people. If you can't dive into new project, if you can't create, you become complacent. The death of love at the hands of comfort.

Lesson #51: You can always do something

The Tale of 2 Tynani

I wouldn't change a thing. Our story is totally unconventional. In total there were 10. We all came together from six degrees of separation. If you'd peeked in the window you'd have envied our imagination. Our laughter filled the room, our jokes were better than ever. We came together strangers at best, and left that room friends at least. A new year, high on a fresh start. The moral of the story is ten fold. Every once in a while you take a look at the moments in life, and you decide to make a decision. So when in doubt, do what we did. Attend your audition. Take big, calculated risks. Realize sometimes, sleep and practice is all you need. Think outside of the box. Embrace the idea that high fives never go out of style. Don't underestimate the weight of a gesture. When in doubt consult Marcel Marceau. Always have a theme song. Make food and dogs are the common denominator. Open the door.

Lesson #50: You never know what can happen.

Don't leave.

I originally planned to start January with a fresh coat of paint. I have the blog for it and everything. I keep writing a story with a happy ending, but still I'm plagued by open doors. I guess I have something to say, and it starts off a little rough. You see, my parents never actually left. I should start by saying, my childhood was good. I've never experienced anything remotely life threatening. In fact, most kids would envy me. My parents we're amicable, they split their time evenly. The Southwest Airlines flight attendants we're always really nice. I'm not one to endorse passing the blame, my parents didn't fail me. More than likely they have no idea what I'm dealing with, but despite every effort I became good at saying goodbye. I became familiar with the shutting of doors. I know how to adapt to loneliness. I accept when people leave. When I know that they've gone, I wish I could tell them I knew what it would look like. I've been leaving all my life. I've come to expect the back of your head. I'm not surprised by the sound of silence. I am comfortable with loss. At night I pray that at least one person sticks. All my friends must be blue in the face. Sometimes I can hardly fathom forever. It wouldn't be a new year with out a better start. Everyone has their resolutions. I keep trying to figure it out. This year, I want to get used to staying. I want to think you'll be there when I need you. I want to embrace the idea of trust. I have no idea if it's possible, but I'm sure as hell going to try.

Lesson #49: Resolve old issues.