Stronger Roots

"When the root is strong the fruit is sweet"

Bob Marley

I keep thinking about reversing plastic planter shapes. Breaking up fibers to loosen roots, digging into new soil, pouring water into soggy earth. It's almost that time where the sun comes out. All the nerves stretch out like pointed toes. Things have changed this winter. As uneventful and prominent as ever. I started thinking about Galveston. A place I can't stop going back. A foreign object in a place that was constant. If anything was planter shapped it was this. Lately the roots are splayed out everywhere. I keep going back to change. I'll try to deny it, but I like it when things are the same in one place. The still middle, in a spinning room. My same is different. I have to get used to another way. Sometimes I wish everyone stayed young, everything was just like high school on Pine Street. I have long since overcome my fear of change, but I didn't want to. Give me my way, my roots would be compact. I keep turning around, and seeing something else. I'm almost past all the things I once never wanted to face. I still suffer from my knee jerk reaction, but things keep happening and I out grow my pot. Sometimes I am a reluctant root.

Lesson #57: Break up the cluster



Nonsense

I'm not even gonna pretend, I really like love. I think it's grand. Hearts, and flowers, and those XOXO's people include at the end of a long heart-felt letters. I love small tokens of appreciation, and tiny mementos, OH and holding hands. I can totally get drunk with cutesy public displays of affection, but that's just me. As much as I love paper doilies, and artificial cinnamon candy, I still think love can be total B.S. Dumb love, it freaking makes me climb the stupid hamster wheel, day, after day, after day. Some times I'm totally over all this crap. Stupid pink shit, sugar highs, and fat asses. Thanks for nothing Hallmark. See you when I get a boyfriend.

Lesson #56: In my world, not everything makes sense.  

Change of Plans

"The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This may sound completely ridiculous, but I've never been a big time goal setter. I've never had to make big plans to achieve my dreams. It's not that everything has been handed to me, but I can't say I've been reaching for something outlandish. Of course I've had struggles to overcome, I've wanted and worked hard for what I have, but my goals have always been in line with what was already on its way to me. There is nothing wrong with this theory until you start looking for more. So here I am in a rut. This deep abyss that seems to some days swallow me whole, and still keep eating. Where once obstacles existed, I am no longer crippled. Today there is no reason not to set a goal for what I want. There is literally, nothing in my way. I have no excuse to sit here wanting. I am aware that the first step is monumental, that moving backward is not an option. First steps can be daunting, but this is a Zig Ziggler kind of plan. Goals don't go unrewarded.

Lesson #53: Take the first step 

Renew

"Right now we are standing at a massive point of rebirth"

-Lars Ulrich

Nothing like going out of town to muster your inner strength. Time away, is all I need to busy my mind on something else. It seems like answers unearth themselves when you're not paying attention. Being busy makes everything less complicated. Sometimes I dream about moving to a whole new town, making a new start, beginning again. This may sound crazy, but I love to throw myself into work. I believe we were made to push ourselves past the limit. We were designed to to go the distance. Comfort Zones make us boring people. If you can't dive into new project, if you can't create, you become complacent. The death of love at the hands of comfort.

Lesson #51: You can always do something

Great Expectations

"Everything I have ever done, I've done for you."

-Finn, Great Expectations

Not all stories have happy endings. Some of them are unrequited. Sometimes I worry about becoming a Havisham? Living stuck amongst the dust, the burned down ruins of a life that's made up. What if its all for not. Continually disappointed by great expectations, living a life of limits on where my mind should wander. Unfortunately I'm not built that way. I still wish for something hopeful, where every Stella finds her Finn. Some days it's harder than others. Life is not about Cinderella. Here I am grocery store wandering, creating petitions for happy endings, making peace with bad decisions, searching wildly for better conclusions. Everything is for something else.

Lesson #30: Be happy with what you have.

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